The Mr. Falcon Fan Club
Remember those halcyon days in cable TV history when USA, TNT, TBS, Comedy Central existed solely to rebroadcast B movies? This was before TBS decided it was “very funny” (read: NBC sit-com syndication) and TNT decided it “knew drama” (read: Law & Order). It predates original programming like Monk, House of Payne, and Saving Grace. Cable movie broadcasting opened people’s eyes to movies they would never see otherwise. Who would have ever seen Quick Change if Comedy Central didn’t show it to us every other weekend?
These cable channels were like a poor man’s alternative to HBO. The only major difference between the movies HBO showed and the movies on the regular cable networks–other than the fact that HBO’s movies were released less than a decade ago–is the editing. HBO can show movies in their entirety. (Admit it, you only sat through Chasers because of the “BN” that showed up on the screen before the movie started.) TBS, TNT, etc. have to edit movies for time and content… but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Some movies, I think, are actually better on cable because of the ridiculous editing decisions (specifically in the swear-dubbing department) that get made. And so, to establish a place to collect all the wonderful TV edits, we have created The Mr. Falcon Club, so named for the greatest of all TV edits (skip to the 2:12 mark for the money quote):
I have absolutely no idea what goes on or who makes the decisions that lead to the final, edited-for-cable versions of some movies. I don’t know if it’s studio executives, members of the MPAA, or the movie directors themselves, but I get the sense that these are men who do not take this responsibility very seriously. I would love to see movies like Die Hard 2 get released on DVD with the alternative to watch the edited-for-TV version.
It is not up for debate: Die Hard 2 is the best movie on cable television, and “Yippee-ki-yay Mr. Falcon” is the single greatest cable TV quote. But honorable mention goes to The Big Lebowski, and the revised version of, “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass:”
So I ask you: what other movies and quotes belong in the Mr. Falcon Fan Club?
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