DB Classics: "Wrong Fat Girl"
All the credit on this goes to Dave.
Here’s a story I like to call “wrong fat girl.”
The phrase, “You all look alike to me” is one of those bigoted utterances that every race or ethnicity says about the other, almost keeping it from being too inappropriate.
- “You all look alike to us!”
- “Well, you all look alike to us, too!”
- “Let’s go out for coffee, whoever you are!”
It seems that I have, yet again, underestimated the embarrassment potential of a sociological phenomenon. Here goes.
I missed Evidence class last Tuesday because I was sleeping in synagogue in celebration of the Jewish New Year. I e-mailed all of the students in the Evidence class to ask if anyone had audio or video of the class, as many techno-law students frequently record class sessions. (They do this so that they can NOT listen in class, and instead, shop for Vera Bradley bags or send their girlfriends or boyfriends e-mails with subjects lines like, ‘Absolutely Not a Break-Up E-mail.’)
One of these such techno-law students had recorded the class, and approached me this morning in Evidence about borrowing her audio recording of last week’s session. She was a jolly young brunette with one distinguishing physical characteristic – she was big as a house. She was wearing a pink t-shirt under a v-neck white sweater — all, of course, large articles of clothing. They failed to hide her plump jovialness, and her rosy cheeks were on full display. As class was about to begin, she told me to find her after class.
I looked around as class was about to end, and spied the big gal in the last row on the other side of the classroom. White sweater right? As soon as the professor dismissed the class, I walked up to her, and asked her for the notes from last week’s class. She looked at me like I was a naked hobo. I thought I may have made a mistake, but foolishly asked again, “Do you have those notes from last class?” She replied, “I have some notes, uh…. I… what?” It was then that I realized my error: wrong fat girl.
I tried to cover up my mistake by asking for a third time (faulty logic alert), “Do you, or you know, anyone around here, have the notes from last class?” Now I look like a retard and, to make matters worse, I have just spied the right fat girl hovering around my seat. Sh*t!
The wrong fat girl looked a lot like the right fat girl, in my defense. They all look alike to me! Sometimes you’ll notice that on reality makeover shows, like “Biggest Loser,” all of the fat ladies look alike at the beginning: lots of chins, lots of bellies, etc. As the show goes on and they lose the weight, faces and features emerge and these people actually become discernibly separate creatures. Not so when they are still fat. So I guess you can add big girls to the already crowded group of people who all look alike to me. Does this make me a bigot? You’re damn right it does. I’m not proud; just honest.
Have a great Tuesday, and be sure to note distinguishable qualities whenever you meet a new fat person. Good luck.
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Mike
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Party Dresses