Racist MacBooks
At today’s WWDC, rumours are abound that Apple is set to release their newest line of MacBooks. While there has been considerable debate over certain issues…the product line will potentially be as follows:
The Black MacBook
Benefits:
- Bigger processor
- Will run faster
- Costs approximately 3/5 the price of an equivalent white MacBook
Issues:
- Trouble “getting into” certain websites
- Most of the software on it will be stolen
The Yellow MacBook
Benefits:
- Incredible mass production
- Capable of incredible efficiency, especially when networked with other Yellow MacBooks
- Widescreen resolution is much better
- Smaller and lighter
Issues:
- Kinks in marketing scheme: “Made by children…for children”
- Runs on coal
The Brown MacBook (Eastern Edition)
Benefits:
- Oldest MacBook, long dated history
- Comes with a polishing cloth
Issues:
- No logic board
- Blows Up
The Brown MacBook (Western Edition)
Benefits:
- Incredibly low cost
- Works well in hotter, outdoor conditions
- Clever new packaging allows for many more units to ship via pickup truck
Issues:
- Difficult to keep clean
- Nothing happens when you press “h” key
The White MacBook
Benefits:
- Excellent for financial institutions and government
- Easily upgradeable
Issues:
- White MacBook does not network as well with Yellow, Black, or Brown MacBooks, despite prominent advertising to the contrary
- Will only perform at 40%
- Higher production cost than Yellow, Black, and both Brown MacBooks – while technically not capable of anything different
- No help-desk, the White MacBook doesn’t make mistakes
The Red MacBook
Benefits:
- Entirely organic
- Uses little to no energy
- Sales Promotion: First 1000 users to be taught alternative computing techniques (e.g. introduction to kernel)
Issues:
- Production floorspace previously devoted to Red MacBook, now almost entirely overrun by White MacBooks
- Roughly 6 exist in the marketplace, not easy to find
- Frequent guilt-inducing reminders telling users to empty trash
- Highly susceptible to Western viruses
More on this as it develops…
(Collaborative DB Team)
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