This article says it all, but just in case it doesn’t, here are my two cents: Grow a pair, Clay! I’d ask who you think you are, but I have a pretty good idea.

Red Sox put Buchholz on DL

By David Ginsburg, AP Sports Writer

BALTIMORE — Clay Buchholz was put on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday by the Boston Red Sox because of a broken nail on his right middle finger.

…

Buchholz, who had been scheduled to start Sunday against Milwaukee, was put on the DL retroactive to Tuesday, the day after he yielded seven runs in 4 1-3 innings at Minnesota.

“I’ve had a fingernail bend, but never one that just came off. It went all the way off and I just had to end up tearing it off,” he said. “It was really tender toward the end of the outing. Yesterday and today, it feels fine. I feel like I could throw.”

But the Red Sox decided to be careful with the 22-year-old, who last year pitched a no-hitter against Baltimore.

“The thing that we were concerned about there is that it was going to alter how he threw,” said Brad Mills, Boston’s acting manager during the absence of Terry Francona. “He’s going to need some time anyway to have that fingernail heal.”

Buchholz is 2-3 with a 5.53 ERA. He yielded 12 runs and 18 hits over 8 1-3 innings in his last two starts.

“I could only feel it when I threw fastballs, so that’s why we strayed away from throwing fastballs and went to a lot of changeups and curveballs,” he said. “Whenever they did call a fastball, I tried to throw it as hard as I could because regardless of how much pressure I put on it, I could feel the pain. I just tried to let it go and most of the time, the pitch wasn’t where I intended to throw it.”

Buchholz understood the reason he was placed on the disabled list, but wasn’t happy about the pending inactivity.

“They don’t want me to be compensating for anything else and end up hurting something. Shoulder, elbow, whatever. I’ve got to do what they tell me to do,” he said. “I don’t like not being able to pitch for a couple of weeks but it is what it is. We’ve got a couple of people who have done down with injuries, so I’ve got to bide time.”

…

The Associated Press

If Mad Max were around to see this, he would warn us. He would say quietly that if we stop filling our oil reserves, there will be no fuel for military equipment, much less planes to tomorrow-morrow-land, when disaster strikes. But no one would listen. In the post-apocalyptic world of gaslessness, where will our anti-semitic Aussie pal Mel be to save us?

May 13, 2008: 12:19 PM EDT

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Senate is directing President Bush to temporarily halt the shipment of thousands of barrels of oil a day to the government’s emergency reserve.

Both Democrats and Republicans said such shipments make no sense when oil is costing more than $120 a barrel and could better be used to add supplies to a tight market and possibly lower prices. Senators voted 97-1 Tuesday to suspend the shipments until the end of the year.

Bush has said the 70,000 barrels of oil being diverted to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve is such a small amount that it does not affect energy markets. Many senators disagreed.

Maybe Kurt is hanging out with Tabitha Soren somewhere.

As a member of the bar, I would rather cede to my Diving Bored colleagues the pleasure of cracking on this member of the bench.  I will only point out her Honor’s resemblance to a certain co-star, and alter ego, of his Honor, Governor Schwarzenegger.

Let me point out a few facts about her Honor, Judge Elizabeth Halverson: (1) she rides around on a motorized scooter, mostly due to her obesity I assume; (2) she had her husband sworn in as a witness to her court, to ask him under oath if he completed his chores at home; (3) she made her bailiff “put her shoes on her feet, massage her back, cover her with a blanket for naps and make sure her oxygen tank was filled” — oh yea, did I mention the oxygen tank?; (4) oxygen tank!; and, (5) she has been suspended from the bench.

So, I’m not here to judge (pun!). Take these facts at face value. I am NOT issuing an opinion about this fine member of the legal community.

This just in: Macs are now impervious even to theft! Take that ya PC bitch! Can you do THIS? Can you?

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. —  A Westchester woman who had her laptop stolen was able to connect to the computer, photograph two suspects and file the photos to police.

White Plains Police say they used the photos to arrest 23-year-old Edmon Shahikian of Katonah and 20-year-old Ian Frias of the Bronx Wednesday night. Police say they recovered most of the $5,000 worth of electronics stolen from the woman’s White Plains apartment back on April 27.

Police say the woman got a call from a friend asking if she was online.

The victim said no and was told by the friend that her computer showed her as being on the Internet.

At that point the victim signed onto another computer and used the “Back to My Mac” program to determine that her stolen MacIntosh laptop was on the Web.

She then used the stolen computer’s camera to photograph Shahikian.

Didn’t think so.

My pal Fast Johnny and I got a new Vaudeville act we’re gonna take on the road in Cleveland, Ohio!! Ready? Tell me what you think!

Me: I once knew a guy who was poor.

Fast Johnny: HOW POOR WAS HE??

Me: He was SO poor, that he waited in line for 90 minutes in Cleveland for a Papa Johns pizza because they were offering it for only 23 cents!

Fast Johnny: DID HE HAVE A JOB?

Me: No! None of the people in line had jobs!

Fast Johnny: Hahahahahahahaha. You slay me, sir!

Play me off, Johnny.

This f*cking kid.

Finally took off his stupid f*cking Favre jersey.

After FOUR f*cking years.

Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood, we’re fucked.

Clearly, I am not the first person to blog about the shortcomings of Southwest Airlines. It’s just that I had a particular experience on Sunday night flying home to Chicago from Baltimore, the details of which I would rather not go into, so I will bullet-point summarize:

• overhead compartment above my seat filled with flight attendant’s bag, which could only fit horizontally; really, flight attendant? rainbow flag sticker on there, eh?
• took me about 2.8 minutes to find a place for my carry-on bag, due to situation outlined above; passenger waiting to board behind me tells me, “You’re real intelligent!”; really, guy in overalls? really?
• flight attendant mentioned above did safety lecture, and quipped, “if our flight should turn into a cruise, your seat can be used to flotation, so just kick to shore!”; really, clay aiken in a red vest? plane crash jokes on a plane? while giving the safety lecture?
• peanuts were dropped, suspiciously, directly onto and in the middle of the document i was reading by – you guessed it – the aforementioned in-flight-waiter; i’m picking up your contempt, kajagoogoo.
• woman seated next to me opted for not ONLY the Sbarro slice of supreme, but the caesar salad too. mmm, sbarro – italian for goodness.

I’m sure I’ll continue to fly with these assholes, despite this experience. I really just can’t stand the in-flight jokes.

1. how to get our money back
2. how to ask you to pay us back (check or cash)
3. how we would get our 1.5 hours of life back
4. If there was ever a worse movie
5. If a movie could actually be broken down into 3 awesome scenes and the rest actually CUT
6. If you were crazy or on acid during your movie experience
7. Maybe we saw the wrong “A History of Violence ”
8. Perhaps “the good version” didn’t get distributed in NYC