I think they’re just doing it because they know they can get away with it.

See that movie poster up there?  It’s for Jacks Brooks: Monster Slayer.  It’s the story of an average guy with not a whole lot going for him that happens to be really good at killing evil beings.  But it’s not campy enough.  And it appears to have cost well over $100,000 to make.  And the guy doesn’t have a chainsaw for a hand.  What in the hell made people think they could bring back the wonderful niche genre of goredy?  I disapprove.

Bruce Campbell must be spinning in his grave that he dug for himself after killing miniature, evil versions of himself…

See for yourself.

Place your order now.  These babies are selling like hot potato pancakes.

Of course, there were some more imaginative items in the future, and some corporations are trying to bring them to us sooner than later.  They could have gone with the auto-fitting, auto-drying jacket, the PitBull (TM), or even Grays Sports Almanac, but nope.  They went with the Nike high-tops with the power laces.  Still pretty fucking sweet though:

I’m loving the attention to detail.  Do you see that?  Written on the tongue behind the dopey “2015″ logo?  Yeah, that’s the dates and times that the DeLorean visited in the first two movies.  I can’t wait to kick these babies up on the coffee table while I rehydrate a pizza and watch channels 18, 24, 63, 109, 87 and the Weather Channel.

via Gizmodo

Ok… the truth of course is that Indie Rock has come to mean something entirely different. You can go ahead and google the sh*t out of the term looking for some semblance of a definition but it is simply a genre of music with distorted and blurred boundaries which work out quite nicely for the “real fans” who are free to subjectively judge which artists have or haven’t sold out according to their unfounded, elitist point of view.

How do you know if you’ve run into an indie rock elitist?
1. You’ve just been informed that your favorite bands are all sell-outs and so fake.

2. It has come to your attention that you’re just a part of the corporate machine**

3. You’re enduring an argument about the legitimacy of Neitzschean nihilism from a guy in his late 20s who runs the soundboard for Mercury Lounge and supplements his income as a barista at a coffee shop in Williamsburg because Starbucks is just so fake.

4. “Dude, you’re so fake”

**This may also be a hippie, the differentiating factor would be whether or not they have showered.

Meanwhile, enjoy the link below as Zach Galifianakis interviews the “most indie rocker” of our time… in the form of Michael Showalter.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/05/galifianakis_showalter_strive.html

This article says it all, but just in case it doesn’t, here are my two cents: Grow a pair, Clay! I’d ask who you think you are, but I have a pretty good idea.

Red Sox put Buchholz on DL

By David Ginsburg, AP Sports Writer

BALTIMORE — Clay Buchholz was put on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday by the Boston Red Sox because of a broken nail on his right middle finger.

…

Buchholz, who had been scheduled to start Sunday against Milwaukee, was put on the DL retroactive to Tuesday, the day after he yielded seven runs in 4 1-3 innings at Minnesota.

“I’ve had a fingernail bend, but never one that just came off. It went all the way off and I just had to end up tearing it off,” he said. “It was really tender toward the end of the outing. Yesterday and today, it feels fine. I feel like I could throw.”

But the Red Sox decided to be careful with the 22-year-old, who last year pitched a no-hitter against Baltimore.

“The thing that we were concerned about there is that it was going to alter how he threw,” said Brad Mills, Boston’s acting manager during the absence of Terry Francona. “He’s going to need some time anyway to have that fingernail heal.”

Buchholz is 2-3 with a 5.53 ERA. He yielded 12 runs and 18 hits over 8 1-3 innings in his last two starts.

“I could only feel it when I threw fastballs, so that’s why we strayed away from throwing fastballs and went to a lot of changeups and curveballs,” he said. “Whenever they did call a fastball, I tried to throw it as hard as I could because regardless of how much pressure I put on it, I could feel the pain. I just tried to let it go and most of the time, the pitch wasn’t where I intended to throw it.”

Buchholz understood the reason he was placed on the disabled list, but wasn’t happy about the pending inactivity.

“They don’t want me to be compensating for anything else and end up hurting something. Shoulder, elbow, whatever. I’ve got to do what they tell me to do,” he said. “I don’t like not being able to pitch for a couple of weeks but it is what it is. We’ve got a couple of people who have done down with injuries, so I’ve got to bide time.”

…

The Associated Press

If Mad Max were around to see this, he would warn us. He would say quietly that if we stop filling our oil reserves, there will be no fuel for military equipment, much less planes to tomorrow-morrow-land, when disaster strikes. But no one would listen. In the post-apocalyptic world of gaslessness, where will our anti-semitic Aussie pal Mel be to save us?

May 13, 2008: 12:19 PM EDT

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Senate is directing President Bush to temporarily halt the shipment of thousands of barrels of oil a day to the government’s emergency reserve.

Both Democrats and Republicans said such shipments make no sense when oil is costing more than $120 a barrel and could better be used to add supplies to a tight market and possibly lower prices. Senators voted 97-1 Tuesday to suspend the shipments until the end of the year.

Bush has said the 70,000 barrels of oil being diverted to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve is such a small amount that it does not affect energy markets. Many senators disagreed.