If you haven’t:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7556058.stm

What China fails to realize is that their entire population looks identical. Did they think we would have been able to distinguish between the “cute one” miming and the original singer? Certainly no American could… I’ll bet even Chinese-Americans can’t even tell at this point! Sure, there could be a cultural misunderstanding and maybe we just “think” they all look alike – but if that’s so, then how do you explain the Spanish basketball team who clearly “sees” this the same way.

Don’t get me wrong… I love Jackie Chan, he was great in Lethal Weapon 4 – of course it took me an hour to realize it was Jet Li. This isn’t meant to be an insult, afterall, they think we all look the same! Of course I don’t understand that one. Maybe their vision is impaired by their biology, although, what does a chinese person do in such a case? Do they un-squint?

This of course is all true with the exception of Ziyi Zhang – who is absolutely the most stunningly gorgeous woman amongst a population of over 1 billion.

Come on China… we’ll trade you Miley Cyrus, Brittany Murphy and a tween star to be named later.

(Honestly, tell me you don’t have the yellow fever (bird flu?) )

The Black MacBook
Benefits:
- Bigger processor
- Will run faster
- Costs approximately 3/5 the price of an equivalent white MacBook
Issues:
- Trouble “getting into” certain websites
- Most of the software on it will be stolen

The Yellow MacBook
Benefits:
- Incredible mass production
- Capable of incredible efficiency, especially when networked with other Yellow MacBooks
- Widescreen resolution is much better
- Smaller and lighter
Issues:
- Kinks in marketing scheme: “Made by children…for children”
- Runs on coal

The Brown MacBook (Eastern Edition)
Benefits:
- Oldest MacBook, long dated history
- Comes with a polishing cloth
Issues:
- No logic board
- Blows Up

The Brown MacBook (Western Edition)
Benefits:
- Incredibly low cost
- Works well in hotter, outdoor conditions
- Clever new packaging allows for many more units to ship via pickup truck
Issues:
- Difficult to keep clean
- Nothing happens when you press “h” key

The White MacBook
Benefits:
- Excellent for financial institutions and government
- Easily upgradeable
Issues:
- White MacBook does not network as well with Yellow, Black, or Brown MacBooks, despite prominent advertising to the contrary
- Will only perform at 40%
- Higher production cost than Yellow, Black, and both Brown MacBooks – while technically not capable of anything different
- No help-desk, the White MacBook doesn’t make mistakes

The Red MacBook
Benefits:
- Entirely organic
- Uses little to no energy
- Sales Promotion: First 1000 users to be taught alternative computing techniques (e.g. introduction to kernel)
Issues:
- Production floorspace previously devoted to Red MacBook, now almost entirely overrun by White MacBooks
- Roughly 6 exist in the marketplace, not easy to find
- Frequent guilt-inducing reminders telling users to empty trash
- Highly susceptible to Western viruses

More on this as it develops…
(Collaborative DB Team)

Here’s a story I like to call “wrong fat girl.”

The phrase, “You all look alike to me” is one of those bigoted utterances that every race or ethnicity says about the other, almost keeping it from being too inappropriate.

- “You all look alike to us!”

- “Well, you all look alike to us, too!”

- “Let’s go out for coffee, whoever you are!”

It seems that I have, yet again, underestimated the embarrassment potential of a sociological phenomenon. Here goes.

I missed Evidence class last Tuesday because I was sleeping in synagogue in celebration of the Jewish New Year. I e-mailed all of the students in the Evidence class to ask if anyone had audio or video of the class, as many techno-law students frequently record class sessions. (They do this so that they can NOT listen in class, and instead, shop for Vera Bradley bags or send their girlfriends or boyfriends e-mails with subjects lines like, ‘Absolutely Not a Break-Up E-mail.’)

One of these such techno-law students had recorded the class, and approached me this morning in Evidence about borrowing her audio recording of last week’s session. She was a jolly young brunette with one distinguishing physical characteristic – she was big as a house. She was wearing a pink t-shirt under a v-neck white sweater — all, of course, large articles of clothing. They failed to hide her plump jovialness, and her rosy cheeks were on full display. As class was about to begin, she told me to find her after class.

I looked around as class was about to end, and spied the big gal in the last row on the other side of the classroom. White sweater right? As soon as the professor dismissed the class, I walked up to her, and asked her for the notes from last week’s class. She looked at me like I was a naked hobo. I thought I may have made a mistake, but foolishly asked again, “Do you have those notes from last class?” She replied, “I have some notes, uh…. I… what?” It was then that I realized my error: wrong fat girl.

I tried to cover up my mistake by asking for a third time (faulty logic alert), “Do you, or you know, anyone around here, have the notes from last class?” Now I look like a retard and, to make matters worse, I have just spied the right fat girl hovering around my seat. Sh*t!

The wrong fat girl looked a lot like the right fat girl, in my defense. They all look alike to me! Sometimes you’ll notice that on reality makeover shows, like “Biggest Loser,” all of the fat ladies look alike at the beginning: lots of chins, lots of bellies, etc. As the show goes on and they lose the weight, faces and features emerge and these people actually become discernibly separate creatures. Not so when they are still fat. So I guess you can add big girls to the already crowded group of people who all look alike to me. Does this make me a bigot? You’re damn right it does. I’m not proud; just honest.

Have a great Tuesday, and be sure to note distinguishable qualities whenever you meet a new fat person. Good luck.