Count the internet sensations!

There you go folks.  $600 for a video game system that can photo-realistically show a guy taking a nap in left field.  Next year’s game will feature fans on cell phones, rain delays, and when you play at Yankee Stadium, you’ll have to sit through that excruciating rendition of “God Bless America.”

Historic ‘Blockbuster’ Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past

The Onion via Gizmodo

Sure, he’s written some “away message ballads” like “Your Body is a Wonderland” and “Daughters,” but he’s also given the world John Mayer Has a TV Show and some Kaufman-inspired baseball play-by-play. His latest submission to the wide world of online video is an exclusive, behind-the-scenes look at how he writes a song. You’ll have to watch the video to learn the full process, but I’ll tempt you with a brief excerpt of a conversation with he and his songwriting team:

Songwriter 1: “Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy is filled with regret.”

Mayer: “I don’t like this guy.”

Songwriter 2: “You like the girl, but you can’t get the girl.”

Mayer: “If I can’t get the girl, why don’t I just tell her I’m John Mayer? How about something everyone can relate to, like when you’re fuckin’ one supermodel and you make the other ones jealous?”

Oh fine, here’s the whole thing:

“If I wasn’t thought of as a young Bruce Springsteen, I sure am now.”  Thanks, John.  Can’t wait for the next album to drop in 2010.

Yeah it can, buddy.  Yeah it can.

These cable channels were like a poor man’s alternative to HBO. The only major difference between the movies HBO showed and the movies on the regular cable networks–other than the fact that HBO’s movies were released less than a decade ago–is the editing. HBO can show movies in their entirety. (Admit it, you only sat through Chasers because of the “BN” that showed up on the screen before the movie started.) TBS, TNT, etc. have to edit movies for time and content… but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Some movies, I think, are actually better on cable because of the ridiculous editing decisions (specifically in the swear-dubbing department) that get made. And so, to establish a place to collect all the wonderful TV edits, we have created The Mr. Falcon Club, so named for the greatest of all TV edits (skip to the 2:12 mark for the money quote):

I have absolutely no idea what goes on or who makes the decisions that lead to the final, edited-for-cable versions of some movies. I don’t know if it’s studio executives, members of the MPAA, or the movie directors themselves, but I get the sense that these are men who do not take this responsibility very seriously. I would love to see movies like Die Hard 2 get released on DVD with the alternative to watch the edited-for-TV version.

It is not up for debate: Die Hard 2 is the best movie on cable television, and “Yippee-ki-yay Mr. Falcon” is the single greatest cable TV quote. But honorable mention goes to The Big Lebowski, and the revised version of, “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass:”

So I ask you: what other movies and quotes belong in the Mr. Falcon Fan Club?

The narrators explain how the robot (which appears to be made of the same cubes that Wall-E creates out of Earth’s trash) first identifies its separated parts using cameras that send unique signals. Once two cameras make eyes with each other, the slow, robotic undulation process begins, and then the newly created piece seeks out the third. The robot can also “walk,” much the same way Nick Nolte can look sober.

Luckily, it takes well over five minutes to get its groove back, which means you’d have plenty of time to escape on your dirt bike.

(via Gizmodo)

As Mr. MacFarlane has shown, I am not the only one who has considered this to be a more realistic ending to Dirty Dancing. She’s 16 years old and from Long Island in 1961. Her father is Detective Lenny Briscoe, but without the wise cracks. He’s a 41 year old dance instructor who sleeps with the help AND the guests, and he smokes two packs a day. “You looked beautiful out there.” Bullsh*t.

This video depicting what appears to be a 1970′s infomercial trying to sell a modular ladder is hilarious. It is the kind of thing that the Internet was invented for, and certainly worth sharing with your friends. I must say that there is not a time yet that I have watched this video and not actually laughed out loud.

Since this video is such a favorite of mine I figured I would give it the dignity of a solid analysis and play-by-play of exactly what is happening in the video – thus highlighting the points of hilarity.

The path to literal derailment begins at 0:13 where our host fails to actually secure the locking mechanism for the ladder.

0:18 a favorite line from the drama
Host: “This is tough”
Little house on the prairie co-host: “It is??”

The disbelief here seems genuine from her and makes me wonder if the idea for the smart inventor coupled with the moron co-host actually works for the infomercial format.

0:33 the path to failure begins
Our trusty host now claims “Now it is locked in place, ok”

0:37 face implantation into the structural integrity left on the ladder. This scene also shows that our two hosts are standing in front of a flimsy wooden wall situation that wavers at the slightest touch of the fallen ladder.

0:42-0:50 Our host, probably running on adrenaline at this point, continues the SELL SELL SELL and lets the audience know that “once it is locked it is safe to operate”

0:51 My personal favorite line “continue to call for it” in a last ditch effort to solidify that if things are in fact locked into place to will not smash your head into this deathtrap of a ladder.

Some fail to notice that the last frame of the video is actually an Elvis doll for sale for only $139.76 (down from $219.00)

An amazing video in which I hope to one day interview all parties involved.